I recently attended the calling hours of an old friend who had passed away. He was a kind man who had touched many lives, so the receiving line was full as we slowly moved down to the visitation area. It had been more than a decade since I had seen his wife and kids even though we had vacationed together when our families were young. As the receiving line moved closer, the son glanced over in my direction and smiled. I smiled back even though I thought he was looking at someone else: “Surely he didn’t remember me?” However, when we stood face to face, his steady look of recognition was clear so I gave him a big hug. As we talked about his dad, he recalled that we had stayed in his family’s pop-up camper. I wondered what was in his memory of that time.
I have been thinking a lot about the power of memory lately because the holidays often stimulate it in a special way. It is as if all the remembrances from holidays past are strung together on a long garland that stretches out into infinity. Connecting time and space, I feel like I could step into any holiday scene and be with the people who were dear to me. There is something about the lights, sounds and pleasant cooking aroma that produce the effect of time travel. Simply by closing my eyes and remembering…… the people in my life that I have lost are by my side once again. Their spirits dance around in my heart.
“May loving memories bring you peace and comfort,” is often written in sympathy cards; it is a healing message at the time of a loved one’s passing. After a while the energy of reminiscence becomes the thread that keeps them alive. If we forget to remember, then death becomes permanent. Our busy lives can sometimes prevent us from just stopping and letting a memory sink in. Yet the ability to do so is always within our reach. Why is it even important?
The encounter with my friend’s son at the funeral home moved me deeply. As I grow older, I sometimes fear being forgotten, so he offered me a great gift just by remembering who I was. But, then I began to think, “How does he remember me? Is it a positive memory?” I began to consider how I wanted to be remembered: Is my life reflecting the values that are important to me? Am I creating meaningful experiences with my loved ones to remember?
These questions have motivated me to be present with each person I encounter and live my life fully in each moment. But, they also remind me to honor the lives of the people I have lost by bringing to mind the memories of their essence…to watch their spirits twinkling in the holiday lights, knowing that one day I will join them.